Seeing your spouse struggle can be incredibly tough, especially when mental health issues are involved. As a loving partner, you want to help, but it’s crucial to maintain healthy boundaries to avoid falling into codependency.
Understanding Codependency
How can you support your spouse without losing yourself in the process?
Understand codependency—in relationships, especially marriages, there’s a fine line between empathy and codependency. Codependency involves an emotional or psychological reliance on your partner, often manifesting as a rescuer-rescued dynamic. This can lead to frustration, burnout, and resentment.
Signs of Codependency
- Guilt for being happy. Feeling guilty about positive emotions when your spouse is depressed.
- Isolating with your spouse. Avoiding social gatherings to keep your spouse company.
- Blaming yourself. Feeling like a failure because your spouse isn’t doing well.
- Minimizing issues. Downplaying your spouse’s symptoms to others.
- Avoiding conflict. Not pushing your spouse to get help out of fear it might be too much for them.
- Enabling behaviors. Denying issues and blaming others for your spouse’s struggles.
Empathy and Compassion vs. Rescuing.
Rescuing assumes full responsibility for your spouse's well-being, which can prevent them from developing necessary coping skills and taking responsibility for their actions, while compassion and empathy involve understanding your spouse’s pain without taking it on yourself.
Why Rescuing is Unhealthy?
- Hinders growth. Your spouse doesn't learn to manage their issues.
- Perpetuates illness. Constant rescuing keeps your spouse dependent.
- Loss of self. You can become consumed by your spouse’s well-being, leading to your own mental health issues.
- Self-seeking behavior. Rescuing is often driven by your own need to avoid discomfort.
Setting boundaries means recognizing what is and isn’t your responsibility—this is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship where both partners grow and support each other without becoming enmeshed.
What Isn’t Your Responsibility?
- Your spouse's mood and emotions.
- Ensuring your spouse practices healthy habits.
- Preventing your spouse from embarrassing themselves.
- Making sure your spouse has friends or fits in socially.
- Communicating your spouse’s needs or limits for them.
What Is Your Responsibility?
- Self-care. Maintain your own mental health and well-being.
- Setting limits. Recognize and honor your personal limits.
- Communication. Clearly express your own needs and expectations.
- Emotional availability. Be present for your spouse without trying to fix their problems.
- Encouragement. Support your spouse in making healthier choices and seeking help.
- Boundary communication. Clearly state what you will and will not take responsibility for.
Navigating this balance can be challenging and may require professional guidance. It’s essential to stay accountable and avoid slipping back into codependent behaviors.
If you're seeking personalized support or would like to learn more about our Signature Services, contact us at (214) 306-8447.
Our team is available to assist you in exploring options to break free from unhealthy dynamics and nurture a flourishing, balanced relationship.
To help us understand your needs better, you may also complete a free assessment and verify your insurance coverage. Solstice is dedicated to helping you #ResetAndRise.