By Erica Holbrook
I believe, in order to understand a problem we need to define it first. For me, I needed to define what social media is before tackling its effects on us. Tufts University defines it as “a means of interactions among people in which they create, share and/or exchange information and ideas in virtual communities and networks.” Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc created the platforms for these communities and networks.
These platforms provided a new, convenient, instant way we could communicate and share photos with family and friends. Not only did it increase interactions among us, it was also a means to make new connections. With all this increased activity among new and old relationships it seems logical that isolation and loneliness would decrease. However, it was actually having the opposite effect on some populations, namely tween/teen girls. How could this be given that social media gives your tween/teen endless opportunities to make new, abundant friendships in addition to their school, sports or hobbies?
One reason is that these virtual communities and networks lack the fundamental requirements for making deep rooted connections that all humans desire and need for good mental health. Your tween/teen is engaging in those artificial societies while creating and exchanging information and ideas with “friends” they will likely never meet. True friends get together face to face sharing in a mutual hobby, sport or activity. Real life interactions build trust, support and understanding which is reciprocated between friends. Meeting up to do things in person also verifies the identity of friends. Authentic connections among tweens/teens make them feel seen and understood by their peers while building true friendships who support them.
Much of the exchange of information on social media between tweens/teens portray picture perfect selfies and moments captured for very intentional posts. Most of the time, none of those portrayals can be verified as true or real. For friendship, your tween/teen is now attracted to an Instagram influencer or “friend” based solely on the images and ideas they perceive to be true instead of naturally gravitating toward people based on personality, common interests or values.
Social media is replacing your tweens/teens authentic friendships for artificial connections based on unsubstantiated, picture perfect images putting quantity over quality. The lack of quality relationships and supportive networks can make your tween/teen feel alone and misunderstood. They become more dependent on social media platforms desperately searching for meaningful connections they will never find. Their constant engagement on screens leaves less time for making actual friendships, leaving them more isolated from reality and real connections.
Because your tween/teen is isolated from interactions in real life situations, they also lack the social skills necessary to make eye contact, get a job, establish deep friendships, etc to develop into healthy adults with strong relationships. This will leave your tween/teen feeling socially awkward and unprepared to take on real life responsibilities and challenges. Compounding these feelings are the distorted perceptions, constant comparing, and desperate acceptance your tween/teen will encounter with overuse of social media. The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and its close friend, the Fear of Being Left Out (FOBLO) further fuels your tweens/teens need to be on social media platforms all the time.
